Our Home and Native Land

Look, I know Canada isn't technically 151 years old - it's like saying 'well, it's the year 2018, so that makes the Earth 2018 years old because that's when we started counting'. The Earth is 4.54 billion years old and Canada was inhabited some 12,000 years ago when a bunch of coloureds came across the Bering Straight. 

Canada isn't flawless, we're not without our share of genocide, apartheid and influenza riddled blankets (shown above), but there is not a doubt in my mind that I am so lucky to have been born here. We have universal health care, so you can break your arm as many times as you like and still be able to buy groceries. We have paid maternity leave, because when your body literally makes a whole other body, you might need some time off to rest. We have the best substances to abuse yourself with - strong beer and rec weed (avail Oct 17) will get you right fucked up. 

I used to buy into the propaganda that Canada was America's lame-o kid sister, but we're actually your chill older brother who listens to vinyl, avoids engaging in your war games and doesn't have a comb over. If you really think about it, America is more like Canada's racist uncle.

We might not have all the coolest cereals like our American neighbours, but we don't even want them anyway. Canada is not the perfect boyfriend, but dammit, he's working on it. So in an effort to be better humans and Canadians, show a little kindness this Canada Day - it is truly our greatest export. 

Happy 151th/ 12,001th Birthday Canada! 

                                                I'm not wearing anything under the blanket...I'm also allergic to wool...

                           This post brought to you by the number 151, the letter C and by the Hudson's Bay Point Blanket