London Calling

Yes, yes - I know it's been done.  And while the set up of the photo screams tourist, my smirk and outfit say EU citizen.  Madrid maybe?  Or more likely Parisienne, because I have macarons in my pockets.  Either way, the snow and daily Winnipeg temperatures of forty below (it's all coming full circle, friends) are but a distant memory.  Also a distant memory - the fact that Britain colonized my people. 

Highlights include:

PORTOBELLO MARKET

If an antique store fucked a street festival, this would be its baby. A multi-street bizarre jammed with shops, vendors, food trucks, art and musicians. The roads are packed with people speaking all kinds of languages and only vaguely smelling like the cooking from their native homelands. If you have agoraphobia or social anxiety of any kind, stay the fuck at home.  If not, it's in Nottinghill, it's cool and you should go.

HARRODS 

Formerly owed by Princess Diana's bf's dad and current home of Paddington Bear. Despite being full of ghosts and rain boot loving mammals, Harrods is a high end department store brimming with designer brands with price tags that look like my social insurance number. Def check out the Harrods Food Hall, literally the UN of food courts. It's like Grand Central Market (NYC) on steroids.  

THE LANESBOROUGH

There is nothing I love more than to dress up and drink freshly brewed tea while cramming crustless, triangular sandwiches into my face - you know, real civilized stuff. I make a point of attending High Tea in every city I visit and I couldn't have been more thrilled than to experience it in the land where the practice became an art form. Plus 100 points for overly doting waiters with accents who never let me see the bottom of my cup, minus 10 points for not having Nanaimo Bars in the mix of dainties.  

THE BRITISH MUSEUM 

Classic Britain. Listen, I know this 'museum' is a loving tribute to looting and pillaging, but it's still pretty great. There are rusty ass swords from the Viking Age and Parthenon sculptures from ancient Greece (bonus points for nudity). The ancient Egypt wing boasts real live mummies, ornate sarcophagi and the Rosetta Stone. Sure, it's all stolen and this is doing nothing to help Britain distance itself from its colonizer roots - but like, it's free and it's an opportunity to see these specimens all in one place...because even if you do make it to Turkey or Egypt - none of this shit will be in their museums!