Castles, Scotch and a Tartan Bra

I love the Scottish - when my family first immigrated to Canada, they settled in Nova Scotia (New Scotland). Growing up around their music and red hair has secured them a warm spot in my heart and a standing invitation to my bed. Jk. But seriously - their national animal is a fucking unicorn which says everything about how they see themselves. Minus 1000 points for inventing golf, plus 6000 points for having sea monsters. 

I can't get over how ancient this country is compared to Canada. The oldest building in Canada is from the 18th century. Structures in Scotland date back to the Neolithic and Bronze Age - like, that is some serious Before Christ shit.

It was February in Scotland, so I understand I was asking a lot, but overall the temperature was manageable with layers and a thin down jacket. Edinburgh is a beautiful gothic city where most of the old buildings are blackened with soot from its coal burning days (TRUMP!). The city is fairly small, so you can walk the whole thing in 2 or 3 days. 

We left Edinburgh and drove up the North West side of the country (Inner Hebrides), the destination being Isle of Skye. To be perfectly honest, I think this whole trip was an excuse for my bf to pass through the birthplace of everyone's favourite fictional m̶i̶s̶o̶g̶y̶n̶i̶s̶t̶ spy, James Bond. 

Highlights Include:

ST. GILES' CATHEDRAL 

This is exactly what you want from a church. High ceilings, delicate stained glass, just enough guilt to make you want to be a better person...but not so much that you will actually change anything about your life. If you pay a couple of bucks you can take all the photos you'd like.

Perhaps light a candle for your last relationship; Jesus knows who you did last summer. 

GREYFRIARS KIRKYARD 

Scotland isn't actually spooky, it just looks that way, like, 'spooky' is just its resting bitch face. This cemetery is surprisingly devoid of ghosts which is kind of a bummer but it has headstones from 500 years ago. There is a statue of a the Greyfriars Bobby - a terrier doggo that kept vigil of his dead owners' grave for 14 years. This is why I'm a cat person - I respect an animal that would eat me if I died.

THIS EMO MOTHER FUCKER

This little guy was just hanging out on our way to Isle of Skye. 

I gave him an apple (the green tennis ball looking thing directly to the right) - but apparently Highland Cattle are too good for Granny Smith.  

I hope all they serve in Hell is Red Delicious.  

CASTLES, CASTLES AND MORE CASTLES

This is the Eilean Donan Castle. Listen, castles are cool, and as mentioned the closest thing to this in Canada would be a bouncy castle. But 8 castles in, and I was kinda over it. The Edinburgh Castle was my favourite but I don't have a good pic of it that doesn't make me or the Japanese guy beside me look like tourists. I've said 'castle' way too many times in this post. 

DALWHINNIE

I went on the tour and this is what I learned: Scotch is Whisky (sans e), made from malted barley and distilled in Scotland. Bourbon is Whiskey (avec e) made from corn, somewhere in Kentucky. I also learned that Scotch tastes like that feeling you get when you vomit stomach acid. And peat. It tastes like bile and my front lawn. 

But the tour was cool and remember to bring a jacket because a lady will yell at you and the barrel cellar is fucking freezing.